— The Notebook
— Jack Barakat
Learned a lot in the past year… how to handle situations, how to put my guard up and when to put it down, control my anxiety, anger, heartache…everything. They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? YES!
Focusing and devoting ALL my energy into my job and pursuit to San Francisco. Can’t let a little bump in the heart distract me from what’s really important in my life..for my life.
I’ve also learned those meant to be in your life…will be. They will always come back, someway, somehow. Can’t hold onto to something that doesn’t want to be held onto…my passion and fire fucks me over sometimes - a good and bad thing.
You live and learn…as each year goes by, you grow as a person with life experiences. I’ve got my degree, worked, gained experience, traveled, LIVED…then what? I don’t believe work is the purpose of life…so why am I not utilizing it to its full capacity? I work for me…to spend the $ wastelessly, then what?
Party until the work week begins? I need to find a medium that makes me genuinely genuine. Not sure what it is…when I find out, I’ll let you know…
In the meantime, here’s a melodic tune to keep you afloat…
"A woman would run through fire and water for such a kind heart." - William Shakespeare
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. From heartache to heartbreak - can’t help to be extremely cautious with l.o.v.e. How do you regain the courage / trust to actually give it your all without being scared shitless?
A good friend told me, once you’ve been hurt, you can’t really ever hurt to that caliber again - accurate statement. We do and say things not knowing why sometimes, but it happens. We meet certain people for a reason not knowing why…people who have an impact on you one way or another.
Would you rather hurt or never feel anything at all? To think, I fell hard in San Francisco - most romantic city. Sometimes you don’t get answers. Endless nights of party, always on-the-go, seeking for the next adventure, numbing what is reality instead can really eff you up. My personal life has taken over lately, from lingering problems I’ve stored away, thinking I’m over it, but really, I’m still mending. Sometimes, I wish I didn’t care so much or have such a heart to give a fuck. I’ve always had that mentality, “I don’t effing care” and do and say what I wanted, when I wanted - FREE-SPIRIT / Independent. The underlying problem is all me, no one else.
The past is the past, no need to dwell or wonder. But how do you NOT apply past experiences to present ones without fucking everything up? Live and learn, right?
Yes, I have a heavy heart, I feel, love, care, passionate, everything. All about destiny, fate, taking a leap of faith…a loving heart is the best kind ( : I’m the epitome of cheesy and I don’t care. Take a listen to every song playing or music produced - all it talks about is feelings right? Really listen to the lyrics…why can’t life be a passionate song?
I’ve got it all and more than I can ever want or ask for…homes, family, friends, career, travel opportunities…then why am I always running away and not “living” here.
Your twenties are all about figuring shit out right? Makes you stronger? I used to always think work was the purpose of life, but it’s not. Enjoying life is. That’s the purpose of life - I remember in one of my Speech classes, I flubbed one of my closing remarks “The purpose of life is a life of purpose…” and I couldn’t fill in what that meant to me. Now I know….embrace what is given to you, right in front of you and the rest will come. Now, I just have to really take my own advice and take it for what it is… I have a pretty fortunate life with great people in it to keep me grounded.
Here’s to feeling whole-hearted again from the past few years…
— Nicholas Sparks